me: But at work there are people running with me. This other vision right now is lonely which is why I think I have avoided it for so long. Like right now, I am reading peace books alone in my room with no one to talk to about them.Jerod: maybe this is your quest. how hermits and yogis and gurus and spiritual masters retreat into the recesses of the world to find the light to bring back to this one
me: I know what I am supposed to do. I am just selfish in my own human way. I want to be part of things. I want to belong. I want to be connected. It is hard to give up the comfort of closeness for something bigger. If I were a good spiritual leader, I would understand that I can never be alone or disconnected. And sometimes I can feel that. But the feeling doesn't come as easily, as when someone is sitting next to you in the same room.
Jerod: but that's the hero's journey. feeling disconnected because they're different. because they're suited to tackle the supernatural going and facing it and returning to the world to find that they are beyond it
I think of great spiritual leaders. Although, many of the moments of their lives were spent alone, praying, meditating, regrouping, being imprisoned, regaining the strength to move forward, they are always quoted as saying things like, “God was always with me. He never left my side.” “The spirit of my brothers and sisters were there with me.” “We are One, I am never separate from anyone or anything.” I understand this, and sometimes I have even felt it, but much of the time I am alone with my thoughts or my plans, I still feel lonely.
I want to know more about their loneliness. I need to look more into their human struggles because even with a close connection to Spirit and the Universe like I have, it is hard. It is not weakness, it is the process of living. The purpose of this journey on Earth is to be both Spirit and Flesh. I used to think that life was about being as spiritual as possible, that humanness was something to overcome. Well, that’s silly. A friend taught me that it is about balancing the two. The desire to connect to those around you, to be part of the tribe, to give love and receive love, to be part of the life of things, this is what gives us the ability to be love in action. This is what gives us the ability to be Spirit in action. But it seems that this desire can also easily give way to handing our direction, our purpose, our soul over to fear. This is the true demon that feeds on the soul.
Last night, as I read and the vision became clearer and closer and my soul felt in line with my actions. I got lost in the enjoyment and the ease of the situation. I got lost in feeling comfortable with myself, and it was in those moments that I didn’t feel lonely. It was in those moments that I felt connected to the Universe, purposeful, and on my path. Ah! That is telling.
So, the moral of the story: Stopping thinking, Brandi and just do! Your head is a lonely place, but your soul is forever connected. Stay soul centered. Stay aware of your calling and your journey and you are less likely to feel alone. The less alone you feel, the less fear you carry that you will always be journeying on your own, the more work you can get done, the closer to your goals you can get. Pretty smart.
