Healing Justice

It's not that I'm not learning anything. That's not why I'm not writing. It's that I'm learning so much, every single day, that I don't even know where to start.

I'm working 4 days a week at the American Friends Service Committee in Oakland. I'm trying to put together a resource list of all of the healing/restorative justice programs in the Bay Area. I prefer the term "healing justice" simply because I think it is more heartfelt, less technical, more human.

I read the book Beyond Prisons by my supervisor Laura Magnani. It was a book that really forced me to wake up. Everything about our justice system is totally soulless. It is all about technicalities and procedures. We forget about the victims until we feel their pain may be able to ensure a hands down guilty verdict or a harsher sentence. Lawyers, cops, judges, and even career criminals are forced to seperate themselves from the emotions of those around them. They are forced to become robots forgetting what it is like to be a human being in order to play their part correctly.

It's sad. I've always been against the death penalty. But did you know you could put a kid, a 14 year-old in jail for life without parole. Is a 14 year-old irredeemable? Was he inherently evil, is that why he was in jail? Or did a system fail him? Could he learn to reconnect with people and be honest with himself? He has at least 50 or so years to try! And a 40 year-old may have less time to do the same, but it is possible.

I think the Quaker in me has been awakened. Life without parole seems ridiculous, and inhumane. Nina, my friend from the Netherlands says that their the longest someone can be locked up for is 20 years. That's it, so whoever is in charge of helping him while he is in prison better do a really good job reconnecting him to the world. The Quakers are one of the few voices against life without parole and after looking at the system from various view points so far this summer, I'm going to join them. These people are human beings not simply criminals. It's time to look deeper into their lives and hearts, and teach them to reconnect.

Why should people spend years in jail for drug offenses and petty thefts. Why are people using drugs? Because they are lonely and fearful. Because they need to escape. Because they feel lost and don't know how to reconnect or ask for help, so they run away. Why do people steal? Because they want respect or attention. Because they need the money to provide for their family. Because they want to hang out with the cool kids and be connected to others. Because they are addicted to drugs. Seems like locking them up and then letting them out into a world where they are destined to fail after being disconnected from their families and social networks, with a record is a recipe for disaster. The cycle is just going to keep repeating itself.

Tomorrow I'm going to Sacramento to a public hearing on lethal injection and then a march to the capital to talk with state legislators.

It's weird to think that this is the first time that I've actually acted on something that I feel is controversial. I'm sure that I've acted on other things that just felt right that others disagreed with, but this time I know that I'm going to have to open some eyes and touch some hearts to get my message across. This won't be an easy one to sell, and afterwards no life without parole will be even harder. But it's the right thing. A human being is a human being. And everyone has the right to change, and everyone has the ability deep within as long as we give them the tools and support.

Those are my thoughts for now. Next post maybe I'll talk about the Pride Parade yesterday in San Fransisco. I totally cried. Parades usually make me cry.

My Life is My Job, My Job is My Life

Sorry, I haven't written this week, I've been sick since Monday. I have this entire nose-ear-throat-thing going on and currently inserting a constant stream of lemon and honey cough drops into my mouth to keep my throat from feeling like it is on fire. {smile}

Last night was really nice. One of the guys who is staying with me and is also in the Metta Program knew I was sick and made dinner so that I didn't have to worry about it. It was nice.

I think that one of the most amazing things about this summer is this sense of family and community that has been present in this house since I arrived. I am staying with Tucker Malarkey, an amazing host with a warm, outgoing personality. She is a professional author working on her 3rd or 4th book. She has done work on scripts and even had a meeting with George Lucas (Jackie eat your heart out!). She has a son, Elliot, who is seven and very kind and funny, an a eccentric cat and cute dog. Her house is beautiful with three gorgeously furnished floors and the front door is always open to neighbors and relatives. This summer she invited three of us from the Metta Program to stay with her.

There is me of course. Then there is Nick who is from Indiana and shares some of the rural, farmtown identity that I hold. I feel like I have known him my entire life which is nice because I feel no need to tip-toe around him. Ketan is from India and a total crazy person. He has so many talents and excels in so many fields that it is amazing. He's a very goal oriented person with check lists and 5 year action plans galore. For someone like me it's totally surreal to watch him go on and on. And as he would say it takes a lot of energy to be so serious and organized, so he has to make the rest of his life silly in order to let go of the stress. He takes this silliness just as serious as the rest of his life. Sometimes he's so ridiculous that I have to send him into the other room because I can't handle it anymore, but his simle and laugh are definiately contagious and it is a blessing to be sharing the summer with him.

But yes, this new home is nice. I like spending quality time with a bunch of people and it is so amazing to watch Elliot hang out with us and play. It is such a good experience for him to interact with so many different types of people and just learn about the world. I would have been so much further ahead of the game if I got the same chances as a kid. I'm so happy for him. His life is going to be amazing, I can already tell.

I called Katy the other day and told her that we had to buy a large house when we got back to Rochester and just rent out rooms to random awesome people and have community dinners and a garden in the back yard. There is certainly something to be said for communal living. Building supportive, ecouraging, rejuvinating, inspirational, and loving networks should be the new American dream. Who says that every good American should live in a two story single family home with a white picket fence and a dog? Who says a married couple and there children should not live with there grandparents or siblings in America?

Who ever says it must be lonely.

But yes, this I feel really is central to peace building. I feel so much more rejuvinated here. I feel like I can keep doing the work I've been trying to be just because I'm so closely connected to these people. Even though this is going to sound corny, it is so inspiring just to watch these people grow everyday even in little ways, it is nice to be alive with them. It reminds me that I am alive. It reminds me that we are ALL human and growing and this is the key to doing peace work!

Speaking of small steps and realizations of peace I had another experience that examplifies something that may seem insignificant or silly but is also so important to peace work, physical contact.

Let me explain. I went with my friend Sachi to see Amma, the Hugging Saint of India. We went to her ashram where there were over two thousand people waiting to be hugged by her. It doesn't matter if you believe that she is a saint or not. It doesn't matter if you believe that she was actually giving hugs as the Divine Mother for over 14 hours straight. What does matter is that you realize that this woman was giving hugs for 14 hours straight, no food breaks, no bathroom breaks, just embracing people and giving them her love! Simply because they deserve it and because she believes that the best way to create love and peace is to be it.

A simple touch, a sincere hug full of gentleness love and respect can break down those walls that stand in the way of peace. And it can build internal peace. I know that I have gone months without giving or receiving a hug and those are always the months that I feel the most hopeless, lost and desperate.

So, baby steps is the peace phrase of the day, and "Be peace" is the today's tagline.

Universal Music

Sorry, I haven't been writing this week. I've been experiencing a lot, but felt like I had nothing profound to write. I still feel this way, but I know I have to push myself to write something, so bare with me.

Today, I had a crummy day. Don't get me wrong, the energy in Berkeley is amazing and I find myself surrounded by people that I've been looking for my entire life. I can't believe all of the innovation that is happening in this city, all of the beautiful people who live here looking at at the world through a new lens, people realizing all at once that the world is bigger, more complex and with more possibility than ever imagined. People who with this new awakening are becoming part of a new movement fusion that combines green business, medical breakthrough, spiritual awareness, heart unity, the creation of art, the retelling of history in another voice, ect to move towards peace.

It is important to note that some people don't even realize that they are part of this movement and that's where I believe it is our job to bring them in. Saying, "Hey you, guess what! You are totally all about nonviolence and peace, come join the party. Let us give you some tools to help you on your journey. Let us introduce you to your bother's and sister's. My some of them can help capture your vision."

Let's make it clear that people like this don't just exist in the Bay Area, but there are so many here. And it's super refreshing!

Then there are those who have the passion to create another world, but don't have the patience or the understanding to deal with anything than a quick fix to the problem, and because of this they resort to violent acts, calling for the bloody revolution. It is here that we must show them that there is a way that is more sustainable and deeply rooted: ahisma- nonviolence; the intention to do no harm.

But yes, I'm loving it here. However, sometimes I don't know what to do with all of this postive energy. Today, I had so much love and inquiry surrounding me that I wanted to run away. Isn't that strange? Don't get me wrong I was loving every minute of it. I was thankful for it, but I had no clue what to do with it all. It was almost as if I couldn't compute it all at once, and instead of staying engaged ready to soak it all up, I just wanted to shut down. It's probably because I'm so used to dealing with people who are not interested or so unconnected that I didn't have a clue of how to be part of a group that was experiencing the exact opposite. I felt like I just needed to escape because I know longer knew my place. It was weird and put me off.

This off mood followed me home, but was quickly relieved. There was a guitar lying in the living room of my host's house when we entered. My housemate Nic was instantly drawn to it, as he was saying just the night before that he really wanted a guitar to play (the Universe does listen). I listened to him play. Our colleauge from Pakistan, Sadan, came home with us as well and played some Beatles songs for us. Universal music! ;) And I sat and listened. The music filled the house and everyone's moods lifted and felt light and happy. It felt like a family.

I then decided I didn't need to run away. I just needed to take a back seat for awhile. To listen to the beautiful music of the world that is being created as "heart unity" is truly coming to be and thriving in the space around me.

It makes me wonder how unsettling pure and authentic compassion and love must be for someone who has experienced so much more violence and apathy than me. It must be terrifying. Even I almost didn't make it.

Paridise Near the Highway

Yesterday, we got a chance to work on Alemany Farm, an urban farm in San Fransisco. This was amazing for several reasons, but mainly because I spent so much time researching community gardens last semester trying to figure out how to strenghten the UGROW network in Worcester without ever getting a chance to get my hands dirty.

It was nice to be part of the creation of food. It was even more exciting to be nourishing plants that will one day nourish the bodies of someone else and connecting to the land while surrounded by so many wonderful people.

I was also interesting to think of urban gardening as a nonviolent protest-- the modern day of Gandhi's spinning. (By producing their own clothing Indians were able to show the British government that they were not relied upon by the people.

I learned so much yesterday. I saw a lemon tree for the first time and ate some of it's leaves. I learned what Mexican sage looks like. It reminds me of purple pussy willows. I learned that if you are growing a root vegetable like garlic it is good to cut off the flower so that the energy can go to the root. (Makes perfect sense, right!) I also learned that garlic flowers taste really good. Most importantly I learned that their are great people in this world, who think like me:

Peace is the only way. It's more logical and ensures the greatest rewards in the long run. Peace comes from a place that is deep and not completely reachable by the brain. It requires something that can only be described with the limited words that I own as spirituality. There is this understanding of connectedness, Love, and faith that is required. True peace and spirituality cannot be separated.

We were asked after a 5 hours of working on the farm to go around in a circle and tell the group our high and low of the day. Here were mine:

Low:

I realized how separated I am from to production of my own food, which is sad. I thought about the violence on the Earth that happens because so many of us rely on factory farmed produce and synthetic food. But it was even more disappointing to me that this was the first time that I was ever given the chance to garden. I somehow felt robbed of a right that should never be taken away. It was an amazing meditation on the interconnectedness of life and the power of creation, and how all human beings are constantly part of that process. I feel like if I had had that opprotunity as a child I would have been much wiser, and if I had that opportunity regularly that I would be a lot happier.

High:

From this beautiful 3-acre farm you could see this crazy 3-lane, twisty-turvey, highway. Someone reported this as a low, but for me it was amazing. It showed hope that citizens/human beings could regain control of the land. It was ours. It should me that there was hope, and that nature and the urban environment were not things that existed as opposites to one another but could coexist.

Where Does It Come From?

Where does peace come from? What is it that sparks a light, a calmness, a love within us that allows us to stay centered and and full of love in the midst of chaos?

These were the questions that came up as I sat with two amazing woman sharing the stories of our paths that led to us to this summer in California embodying Ghandi and all those who have followed after.

Each of us told stories in which we were surrounded by chaos and violence early in our lives. None of us had studied nonviolence or peace on an academic or spiritual level before these experiences, in two of our cases we were just small children. Yet, somehow we were able to stay solid and peaceful. We were able to love without having any guidance. We were able to see and understand larger picture. But how?

Where did this unlearned, instinctual, peacefulness come from? This is an important question because if we can find the answer, we can pass it along and watch it grow. Just being peaceful and living nonviolently in the midst of chaos alone will not ensure that peace overcomes the violence around you. My friend Candy Maire today explained that it was like putting a piece of butter into a glass of water. The butter does not automatically become one with the water. It floats alone on top.

We need to find a way to join the two, and the only way to do that is to change the nature of the water from within. It only repels the butter, if it is forced upon it.

But what change needs to occur inside a person in order to allow them to be peaceful? And how do I find the answer when I can't even really pin down the reasons that I am so peaceful. It came naturally to me as a child, and I fought like crazy never let to let it go. I think it even escaped me a few times.

I believe a understanding of connectedness, unquestioning love, and awe comes naturally to all children, but society robs it from us especially in the West.

How do we give it back to those who have lost it?

Peace Begins at Home

I'm in California. I flew for the first time. I flew over the Rockies. I saw the salts flats of Utah. I think I even saw a cliff dwelling as we flew over the desert.

The people that I'm staying with are amazing. The architecture is beautiful. The trees, flowers and gardens are glorious. And I'm full of so much good energy right now, that I can't stop smiling. I'm a bit tired and scattered to write tonight, but I still have something to post.

I wrote this entry before I left for Cali. It was written on June, 1st.

Well, this blog is supposed to capture my adventure in the world of nonviolent action and social change this summer. I haven’t even gotten to California yet, but because everything is part of a bigger picture the adventure has already begun.

I’m home in beautiful Randolph, NY (no sarcasm intended) and feeling as if I just dropped in from an alien space craft, operated on green energy of course.

I’ve spent the past week and a half with my family realizing that no one knows what it is that I’m getting my Master’s in and listening to my mom reply, “I don’t know. Something to do with helping kids, being a teacher,” every time someone asks her what I’m going to California for.

I try to tell her, but she acts as if she isn’t interested which I know isn’t the case. She just has too many other things to worry about, day to day stuff like how she is going to pay for gas to get to work this week and how to get my little brother and sister to stop fighting all of the time. I can’t really help with the gas dilemma, but my response to the fighting problem was to spend more time with them as a family and for her to lighten up on the yelling, more talking and listening, and yes I even suggested talking about feelings. Apparently, this is not doable and I don’t understand her world.

But I do. It’s my world. Well, my old world. She really is living the same life we all were living when I left this frustrated dairy town 7 years ago. I get it, times are tough. There is little hope and not enough resources. She, like so many others here that I love, have no networks, no tribe. (My mom has even stopped talking with most of her family members who all live here as well) I know people here could build those networks, there are so many people here that just want to be connected, but no one knows where to start.

It hurts to hear that I don’t get it. And this message hasn’t just come from my mom, but from my aunt my sister, and my father, and it just hasn’t come in these past few days but my whole life. When I was younger I was told I didn’t get it because I was a kid and hadn’t really experienced the pain of the real world. Now, I don’t get it because I went away to school. I got out. I’m middle class now, and that’s why I don’t understand. Believe me the only thing that is middle class about me is my education. And it’s funny because my education as of late has been centered around poverty, diversity, and social and economic development.

Yeah, I do get it. I lived it, and I’ve read and thought about it. I felt the effects and discovered the causes.

The thing that I believe is lacking the most in this town is education. I know it sounds corny and cliché, but it is honestly what separates me from my family right now. It is the thing that I am the most proud of and the most frustrated by. I’m the first one in my family to graduate from college, but I’m also the first one to see the world past the beautiful hills that surround this valley. I don’t mean that people in Randolph should be versed in the classics of the Greeks or Checkov, although there is some valuable truths about the human condition in there. I just wish that they could be given the chance to truly understand and talk about globalization, cultural diversity, and multiple storylines. I want them to begin to understand the forces of capitalism. I want them to have the analytical skills to fight off the media as they are being told that they are too fat, that diamonds mean I love you, and that their kids would love them more if they bought them a Wii. I want them to see themselves in each other and in those outside this little town, and be part of the world that is working to bring hope back, instead of watching the news, throwing their hands up in the air, and saying, “The world is going to hell,” and then repeating all of those gestures as they sit in their living rooms smoking, fighting with their husbands, girlfriends, and children, saying, “This family is going to hell.”

This is what I’m getting my master’s in. This is what I’m doing in California this summer. I’m looking for ways to create social change and to develop communities physically, socially, economically, and spiritually that center around this understanding of interconnectedness and shared humanity. I’m looking for ways to help communities and individuals begin to heal and move forward, to progress but not in the usual way of accumulating wealth, but accumulating happiness, connections, and love.

I finally feel like I can give back some of that hope that came so naturally to me, that understanding of connection, of cause and effect that came to me magically as a kid. Somehow, I could always see the lessons learned and the bright side of the picture, but most of all I could always see that people were people, even if they seemed like monsters (my dad’s alcoholism taught me that). That’s why I have become so enamored with principled nonviolence because it is something that is spoken about at an academic level, something studied and applied to social change and justice, something that is meant to improve the world, and something that has come so naturally to me all my life that it is the only thing that makes sense.

I’ve tried to share all of this with my mom. I want to bring her the hope that she needs— the hope that will bring her the happiness that she needs to continue on raising my brother and sister in a safe, loving, open home.

I will figure ways to share this with colleagues, communities, and maybe even the world. But most importantly, I will find a way to share this with my family. These entries will be the first step, I’ll have to mail them home though. There is no internet in cow country.

Thank you to all of my friends who are traveling with me and helping me figure this out. Yes, if you are reading this, I mean you.