The people that I'm staying with are amazing. The architecture is beautiful. The trees, flowers and gardens are glorious. And I'm full of so much good energy right now, that I can't stop smiling. I'm a bit tired and scattered to write tonight, but I still have something to post.
I wrote this entry before I left for Cali. It was written on June, 1st.
Well, this blog is supposed to capture my adventure in the world of nonviolent action and social change this summer. I haven’t even gotten to California yet, but because everything is part of a bigger picture the adventure has already begun.
I’m home in beautiful Randolph, NY (no sarcasm intended) and feeling as if I just dropped in from an alien space craft, operated on green energy of course.
I’ve spent the past week and a half with my family realizing that no one knows what it is that I’m getting my Master’s in and listening to my mom reply, “I don’t know. Something to do with helping kids, being a teacher,” every time someone asks her what I’m going to California for.
I try to tell her, but she acts as if she isn’t interested which I know isn’t the case. She just has too many other things to worry about, day to day stuff like how she is going to pay for gas to get to work this week and how to get my little brother and sister to stop fighting all of the time. I can’t really help with the gas dilemma, but my response to the fighting problem was to spend more time with them as a family and for her to lighten up on the yelling, more talking and listening, and yes I even suggested talking about feelings. Apparently, this is not doable and I don’t understand her world.
But I do. It’s my world. Well, my old world. She really is living the same life we all were living when I left this frustrated dairy town 7 years ago. I get it, times are tough. There is little hope and not enough resources. She, like so many others here that I love, have no networks, no tribe. (My mom has even stopped talking with most of her family members who all live here as well) I know people here could build those networks, there are so many people here that just want to be connected, but no one knows where to start.
It hurts to hear that I don’t get it. And this message hasn’t just come from my mom, but from my aunt my sister, and my father, and it just hasn’t come in these past few days but my whole life. When I was younger I was told I didn’t get it because I was a kid and hadn’t really experienced the pain of the real world. Now, I don’t get it because I went away to school. I got out. I’m middle class now, and that’s why I don’t understand. Believe me the only thing that is middle class about me is my education. And it’s funny because my education as of late has been centered around poverty, diversity, and social and economic development.
Yeah, I do get it. I lived it, and I’ve read and thought about it. I felt the effects and discovered the causes.
The thing that I believe is lacking the most in this town is education. I know it sounds corny and cliché, but it is honestly what separates me from my family right now. It is the thing that I am the most proud of and the most frustrated by. I’m the first one in my family to graduate from college, but I’m also the first one to see the world past the beautiful hills that surround this valley. I don’t mean that people in Randolph should be versed in the classics of the Greeks or Checkov, although there is some valuable truths about the human condition in there. I just wish that they could be given the chance to truly understand and talk about globalization, cultural diversity, and multiple storylines. I want them to begin to understand the forces of capitalism. I want them to have the analytical skills to fight off the media as they are being told that they are too fat, that diamonds mean I love you, and that their kids would love them more if they bought them a Wii. I want them to see themselves in each other and in those outside this little town, and be part of the world that is working to bring hope back, instead of watching the news, throwing their hands up in the air, and saying, “The world is going to hell,” and then repeating all of those gestures as they sit in their living rooms smoking, fighting with their husbands, girlfriends, and children, saying, “This family is going to hell.”
This is what I’m getting my master’s in. This is what I’m doing in California this summer. I’m looking for ways to create social change and to develop communities physically, socially, economically, and spiritually that center around this understanding of interconnectedness and shared humanity. I’m looking for ways to help communities and individuals begin to heal and move forward, to progress but not in the usual way of accumulating wealth, but accumulating happiness, connections, and love.
I finally feel like I can give back some of that hope that came so naturally to me, that understanding of connection, of cause and effect that came to me magically as a kid. Somehow, I could always see the lessons learned and the bright side of the picture, but most of all I could always see that people were people, even if they seemed like monsters (my dad’s alcoholism taught me that). That’s why I have become so enamored with principled nonviolence because it is something that is spoken about at an academic level, something studied and applied to social change and justice, something that is meant to improve the world, and something that has come so naturally to me all my life that it is the only thing that makes sense.
I’ve tried to share all of this with my mom. I want to bring her the hope that she needs— the hope that will bring her the happiness that she needs to continue on raising my brother and sister in a safe, loving, open home.
I will figure ways to share this with colleagues, communities, and maybe even the world. But most importantly, I will find a way to share this with my family. These entries will be the first step, I’ll have to mail them home though. There is no internet in cow country.
Thank you to all of my friends who are traveling with me and helping me figure this out. Yes, if you are reading this, I mean you.
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