An ideal city would act as a mother to its residents providing them with safety, support, guidance, esteem and examples of how to navigate through life, allowing them to eventually operate on their own as strong leaders. They would provided avenues for inspiration, learning, growth, and new relationships, allowing residents to make hard decisions in the future.
An ideal city would recognize that the relationship with its residents, as with a mother and her child, is two-sided, acknowledging the emergence of new perspectives brought to them through interactions. They would understand, like mothers, the influence of peers and the great capability of teams to transform individuals. They would understand best way to ensure that residents make sound decisions based on the information they have is to ensure that they are allowed to explore this information, uniquely make it their own compatible with their personal identity, and are provided with avenues to connect with others processing and acting upon the same information.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Being an Intellectual can be Frustrating
So, I need some help on my Master's paper. Below is the way my brain works along with a possible question to approach the topic that I'm interested in. If you have the time and the patience, it would awesome if you could look at what I have (basically a research question) and tell me if it makes sense.
(P.S. And Nick you thought you were good at metaphors.)
Bare with me.
If the physical world that we live in is a tapestry where everyone is connected by goods and services, networks and relationships, and through space and time, then we would have to say that our world is in need of mending. Some people have fallen away on loose threads. Some parts exist separately hanging on tightly to each other but with no connection to the rest of the masterpiece. Still the large part of the tapestry is in tact even if loosely connected in many parts. This larger piece, however, has areas covered in dirt and grease, and other areas are faded. Tears and holes exist throughout the fabric and the beautiful mandala that is drawn on the tapestry can no longer be seen.
This is how I see the world. There is pain here—rips, fading, missing pieces, and layers of suffocating dirt that making it a chore to grow and breath. I also see uneven stitches where people with good intentions, but the wrong skills have tried to piece the tapestry back together.
When I look at community work, social justice work; when I look at programs at Clark University; when I look at programs that are trying to improve youth/police relations, I often see well meaning stitches trying to mend together different parts of the tapestry. These stitches are quick and forceful. The pieces are cleaned off first, cared for or washed. The color isn’t tried to be brought back. It is figured that this will be done after the pieces are brought back together. But how can you find out where the puzzle comes together, if you can't see the pattern clearly?
But why must we forcefully stitch these pieces back together? This is a magical living, breathing tapestry not made out of wool, but out people. The threads can weave themselves back together, once the people who see the problem help to wash the dirt off and give them the confidence. But the washers and these magic threads also need the right skills. These tapestry has become disheveled and torn not because mind connections were broken, logic didn’t fail, but because a heart connection was broken, someone gave up on someone else or someone never believed they mattered in the first place. It was an emotional, spiritual, soulular disconnection.
Then why do we try to solve these problems using only physical or mental tools. Why does the police officer walk up to a kid with a can of spray paint with a threatening gait? Why DARE officer teach classes to say no to drugs without even letting the kids know who he is, what he likes, and why he does the work he does? Why are hug not allowed from after school workers? Why are people who work in the community often forced to play a role and separate there job from the rest of their lives? If we only use logic to solve the problems in our communities then aren’t we more or less machines creating a community that can only satisfy another machine? Don’t things just fall apart when we add emotion to the scene? We have to use emotion and humanness to solve the same problems that they create.
My master's paper will be a conversation on the need for honest interpersonal connections and the exposure of the authentic self in community development. I will wrap this discussion around the example of youth/police relations.
Question: Why is there a need for honest interpersonal connections and the exposure of the authentic self in community development? How could a focus on honest interpersonal connections and the exposure of the authentic self in youth/police programs heal and restore relationships between these two groups and the rest of the community?
(P.S. And Nick you thought you were good at metaphors.)
Bare with me.
If the physical world that we live in is a tapestry where everyone is connected by goods and services, networks and relationships, and through space and time, then we would have to say that our world is in need of mending. Some people have fallen away on loose threads. Some parts exist separately hanging on tightly to each other but with no connection to the rest of the masterpiece. Still the large part of the tapestry is in tact even if loosely connected in many parts. This larger piece, however, has areas covered in dirt and grease, and other areas are faded. Tears and holes exist throughout the fabric and the beautiful mandala that is drawn on the tapestry can no longer be seen.
This is how I see the world. There is pain here—rips, fading, missing pieces, and layers of suffocating dirt that making it a chore to grow and breath. I also see uneven stitches where people with good intentions, but the wrong skills have tried to piece the tapestry back together.
When I look at community work, social justice work; when I look at programs at Clark University; when I look at programs that are trying to improve youth/police relations, I often see well meaning stitches trying to mend together different parts of the tapestry. These stitches are quick and forceful. The pieces are cleaned off first, cared for or washed. The color isn’t tried to be brought back. It is figured that this will be done after the pieces are brought back together. But how can you find out where the puzzle comes together, if you can't see the pattern clearly?
But why must we forcefully stitch these pieces back together? This is a magical living, breathing tapestry not made out of wool, but out people. The threads can weave themselves back together, once the people who see the problem help to wash the dirt off and give them the confidence. But the washers and these magic threads also need the right skills. These tapestry has become disheveled and torn not because mind connections were broken, logic didn’t fail, but because a heart connection was broken, someone gave up on someone else or someone never believed they mattered in the first place. It was an emotional, spiritual, soulular disconnection.
Then why do we try to solve these problems using only physical or mental tools. Why does the police officer walk up to a kid with a can of spray paint with a threatening gait? Why DARE officer teach classes to say no to drugs without even letting the kids know who he is, what he likes, and why he does the work he does? Why are hug not allowed from after school workers? Why are people who work in the community often forced to play a role and separate there job from the rest of their lives? If we only use logic to solve the problems in our communities then aren’t we more or less machines creating a community that can only satisfy another machine? Don’t things just fall apart when we add emotion to the scene? We have to use emotion and humanness to solve the same problems that they create.
My master's paper will be a conversation on the need for honest interpersonal connections and the exposure of the authentic self in community development. I will wrap this discussion around the example of youth/police relations.
Question: Why is there a need for honest interpersonal connections and the exposure of the authentic self in community development? How could a focus on honest interpersonal connections and the exposure of the authentic self in youth/police programs heal and restore relationships between these two groups and the rest of the community?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Consumption and Creation
"Write, write, write!" this little voice in my head constantly says. The trouble happens to be the opposite of writer's block. It's that there is so much that I don't know even where to begin. Part of it also happens to be that when I write, I reflect-- I process-- I begin to transform. I'm not sure if I can handle all of this transformation.
My housemate, and fellow mentee, was told something interesting by his supervisor today. He was told, "You have been consuming more here that producing. It's time to stop consuming and start producing." I have to say that I don't think you should ever stop doing either. One compliments and steers the other. I also have to say, "How do you know I'm not "producing?" I may not be giving you specifically what you are looking for, but I doubt I can go through a second of life without creating, or producing anything. It may be that my housemate is in a place in his life where consuming the knowledge that is surrounding him is more vital to his journey. But it could also be that it takes so much more courage and strength to create something for others to see than it does just to let things soak in. I don’t know about my housemate, but this is pretty much where I am.
I don’t really know much about physics or energy, although I’m always fascinated when I have a good teacher who can show me the way, and I like to think I’m a good student even if I can’t really remember the facts when they leave my side because the English major in me always remembers the themes. But I’m pretty sure that physics will back me up at some level when I say that there really does need to be an equal balance of consumption and creation. When there isn’t, all of the energy gets stored in one place, with no way to be transferred, transformed. No way to reach someone else’s body, heart and soul.
Now, you may be thinking, "Well, if it's good knowledge, good feelings, good insights that I'm consuming, why on Earth would I want to give it away? I'll keep it for a rainy day."
Well, sorry my friends it doesn't work that way. If you don't create with it, if you don't pass it along, then you end up like me, with the opposite of writer's block. Full of so many thoughts and emotions that are so uncategorized that you can barely think and feel like at any moment you may just explode.
Others out there may be saying to my first set of imaginary friends, "How dare you even think of keeping all of those good things to yourselves! Anyone who would do that is selfish. With all of the bad things going on we need some of those good things too, goodness gracious!"
Now, don't be so hasty to judge them, my friends. It's hard to give that energy away because first you have to take inventory of exactly what you have. This is terrifying! Because you have to let all of that light, and goodness, and love permeate through your body. You may think this is easy but I know that I personally have put up a wall around me that actually keeps good things out. It’s much easier for me to complain and whine about a cold, or a grumpy co-worker, or the aggressive newscaster, than it is for me to joyously report the giggle-filled chills I got when I saw a toddler waddling down the street, or heard a beautiful concerto, or spoke with a complete stranger at the coffee shop. Why? First because I have to recognize that I felt that way and heaven forbid, feel good! And secondly, if I do recognize it I don’t know what to do with it. Some part of my brain thinks that people want to hear the good stuff. Another part of my brain is afraid I won’t do the story justice, and people will look at me like I am a four year old who just learned to tie her shoe, “Good for you, dear.”
But you have to let it out. You have to create. You have to pass the energy along. Or it will consume you. You will become constantly antsy or depressed. How can good things make you depressed? Well energy cannot be created or destroyed, right? So, without sharing that energy and bringing it back out into the physical world it cannot be experienced again. You can’t feel it. You can’t recreate it with your memories, only transfer it with your actions, so that longing to feel it again consumes you, and ta-da depression!
The moral of this story is, “I should write more.” But seriously, think about the fact that we are afraid of and unsure of how to process and experience those moments that are so full of light. I have been. Then think about how hard it is to experience that blissful light when it comes from inside you. I have been. And while you do, you can meditate on the quote that seems to capture the summer for me:
My housemate, and fellow mentee, was told something interesting by his supervisor today. He was told, "You have been consuming more here that producing. It's time to stop consuming and start producing." I have to say that I don't think you should ever stop doing either. One compliments and steers the other. I also have to say, "How do you know I'm not "producing?" I may not be giving you specifically what you are looking for, but I doubt I can go through a second of life without creating, or producing anything. It may be that my housemate is in a place in his life where consuming the knowledge that is surrounding him is more vital to his journey. But it could also be that it takes so much more courage and strength to create something for others to see than it does just to let things soak in. I don’t know about my housemate, but this is pretty much where I am.
I don’t really know much about physics or energy, although I’m always fascinated when I have a good teacher who can show me the way, and I like to think I’m a good student even if I can’t really remember the facts when they leave my side because the English major in me always remembers the themes. But I’m pretty sure that physics will back me up at some level when I say that there really does need to be an equal balance of consumption and creation. When there isn’t, all of the energy gets stored in one place, with no way to be transferred, transformed. No way to reach someone else’s body, heart and soul.
Now, you may be thinking, "Well, if it's good knowledge, good feelings, good insights that I'm consuming, why on Earth would I want to give it away? I'll keep it for a rainy day."
Well, sorry my friends it doesn't work that way. If you don't create with it, if you don't pass it along, then you end up like me, with the opposite of writer's block. Full of so many thoughts and emotions that are so uncategorized that you can barely think and feel like at any moment you may just explode.
Others out there may be saying to my first set of imaginary friends, "How dare you even think of keeping all of those good things to yourselves! Anyone who would do that is selfish. With all of the bad things going on we need some of those good things too, goodness gracious!"
Now, don't be so hasty to judge them, my friends. It's hard to give that energy away because first you have to take inventory of exactly what you have. This is terrifying! Because you have to let all of that light, and goodness, and love permeate through your body. You may think this is easy but I know that I personally have put up a wall around me that actually keeps good things out. It’s much easier for me to complain and whine about a cold, or a grumpy co-worker, or the aggressive newscaster, than it is for me to joyously report the giggle-filled chills I got when I saw a toddler waddling down the street, or heard a beautiful concerto, or spoke with a complete stranger at the coffee shop. Why? First because I have to recognize that I felt that way and heaven forbid, feel good! And secondly, if I do recognize it I don’t know what to do with it. Some part of my brain thinks that people want to hear the good stuff. Another part of my brain is afraid I won’t do the story justice, and people will look at me like I am a four year old who just learned to tie her shoe, “Good for you, dear.”
But you have to let it out. You have to create. You have to pass the energy along. Or it will consume you. You will become constantly antsy or depressed. How can good things make you depressed? Well energy cannot be created or destroyed, right? So, without sharing that energy and bringing it back out into the physical world it cannot be experienced again. You can’t feel it. You can’t recreate it with your memories, only transfer it with your actions, so that longing to feel it again consumes you, and ta-da depression!
The moral of this story is, “I should write more.” But seriously, think about the fact that we are afraid of and unsure of how to process and experience those moments that are so full of light. I have been. Then think about how hard it is to experience that blissful light when it comes from inside you. I have been. And while you do, you can meditate on the quote that seems to capture the summer for me:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marrianne Williamson
Sunday, July 12, 2009
A Citizen of California
On June 29th, 2009, I learned that California still has the death penalty even though no one has been executed since 2005. On June 30th, 2009 I was at the public hearing in Sacramento where the public was to comment on the new lethal injection procedures developed by the California’s Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation so that executions could begin again. Over 100 people spoke. Everyone was given 3 minutes to respond to the new procedures and the entire process lasted eight hours with an hour break at noon for lunch. It was an emotional day. Only two speakers came to support the new procedures. They came together and spoke back to back. Their message was one of a vengeful justice that asserted opponents of capital punishment had “misplaced compassion.” Those compassionate souls spoke for the next 8 hours.
Teachers spoke against the death penalty asking for money for education not execution, stating that $1 billon could be saved over 5 years if the state executions were done with. Doctors, future doctors, and nurses spoke against the death penalty stating that it was their duty to protect and sustain life. Students, spiritual leaders, and everyday citizens spoke out against the death penalty and spoke for dignity. Families of prisoners on death row spoke against the death penalty. Families of victims killed by prisoners on death row spoke against the death penalty. Former prisoners on death row, who had been found innocent, spoke against the death penalty. The new procedures were the only things meant to be discussed—the technicalities. The appropriateness or morality of the death penalty itself, were not on the table, and the facilitators reminded the witnesses in the room of this once or twice an hour. For many stepping up t the podium, this was impossible. How were they to talk about a procedure that leads to the legal murder of another human being without mentioning the end product?
Some people were able to step up to the podium and focus on the problems with the procedures alone. They often stated, “I am against the death penalty, but because this hearing is meant to discuss these new procedures, I will simply state my problems with these.” They believed that in order to be taken seriously they had to play by the rules set before them. They only talk about the procedures themselves, and hoped that if they showed the human rights violations within them alone—the dignity that was being stripped of not only the prisoners, but their families and the staff members to be carrying out these new procedures—that maybe a seed of humanity and understanding would be planted.
There were plenty of things in the new procedures to be concerned with. Prisoners on death row were not able to meet with personal spiritual counselors in private. They were only allowed to meet with State appointed chaplains who were required to record descriptions of all communications with the prisoner. Spiritual counselors were not able to hold the hand of prisoners while they were being killed. They were not even allowed to be in the same room. There was no maximum number of victim’s family members who could be present at the execution. If there wasn’t enough room a closed circuit television was provided in another location, and each family member was to be provided with psychological counsel after the event. Family members of those being executed were limited to five. There was no psychological counsel provided, and they were escorted on and off of the property as if they were criminals themselves. Those carrying out the state mandated killings were poorly supported in the new procedures, acting as if a person would not be affected by killing another human being as long as they were paid.
“There is no protection of dignity here. When dignity is taken away long enough, we lose our humanity, we lose our life. These procedures are not taking away just one human life, but parts of every human life that is involved in the process.”
On June 29th, I was a shocked New Yorker who has always seen California as the leader in common sense, compassion, and social innovation. On June 30th, I felt a little out of place, stuck in the mindset of a community developer, where the citizens—the voters—should always be given a voice. Did I have a right to even be here? Then a Swedish women walked up to the podium and told the witnesses in the room that Sweden was watching California, waiting for them to join their country in universal abolition of the death penalty, believing as I did that California had a history of inspiring, challenging and changing the country. It was then that I saw myself became a citizen of the state of California, not because I had bought a house here or spent $28 dollars on a California license, but because my heart was instantly connected to its citizens, as I realized that my humanity, the country’s humanity, and the world’s humanity lay in its hands. I realized that even if I am not a legal citizen of this state, it is still part of my home. It is a part of this country and part of this world, and the decisions that are made here are a reflection of the voices that are speaking the loudest. Fear usually causes people to scream. Love can cause people to sing, but we have to sing louder and in one unified voice without worrying if we have the right.
Sometimes it is good to stick to the rules, like those at the hearing who only spoke about the procedures. It may be the only way to be heard. Sometimes it is good to push past the boundaries, like the women from Sweden who spoke at a California State hearing. It may be the only way to be heard. Most of the time, it’s more powerful to do a little of both. People are always listening to conversations at various frequencies, and as messengers of human rights, dignity and love, it is our jobs to tap into all of those frequencies. And it is our job to unite.
Teachers spoke against the death penalty asking for money for education not execution, stating that $1 billon could be saved over 5 years if the state executions were done with. Doctors, future doctors, and nurses spoke against the death penalty stating that it was their duty to protect and sustain life. Students, spiritual leaders, and everyday citizens spoke out against the death penalty and spoke for dignity. Families of prisoners on death row spoke against the death penalty. Families of victims killed by prisoners on death row spoke against the death penalty. Former prisoners on death row, who had been found innocent, spoke against the death penalty. The new procedures were the only things meant to be discussed—the technicalities. The appropriateness or morality of the death penalty itself, were not on the table, and the facilitators reminded the witnesses in the room of this once or twice an hour. For many stepping up t the podium, this was impossible. How were they to talk about a procedure that leads to the legal murder of another human being without mentioning the end product?
Some people were able to step up to the podium and focus on the problems with the procedures alone. They often stated, “I am against the death penalty, but because this hearing is meant to discuss these new procedures, I will simply state my problems with these.” They believed that in order to be taken seriously they had to play by the rules set before them. They only talk about the procedures themselves, and hoped that if they showed the human rights violations within them alone—the dignity that was being stripped of not only the prisoners, but their families and the staff members to be carrying out these new procedures—that maybe a seed of humanity and understanding would be planted.
There were plenty of things in the new procedures to be concerned with. Prisoners on death row were not able to meet with personal spiritual counselors in private. They were only allowed to meet with State appointed chaplains who were required to record descriptions of all communications with the prisoner. Spiritual counselors were not able to hold the hand of prisoners while they were being killed. They were not even allowed to be in the same room. There was no maximum number of victim’s family members who could be present at the execution. If there wasn’t enough room a closed circuit television was provided in another location, and each family member was to be provided with psychological counsel after the event. Family members of those being executed were limited to five. There was no psychological counsel provided, and they were escorted on and off of the property as if they were criminals themselves. Those carrying out the state mandated killings were poorly supported in the new procedures, acting as if a person would not be affected by killing another human being as long as they were paid.
“There is no protection of dignity here. When dignity is taken away long enough, we lose our humanity, we lose our life. These procedures are not taking away just one human life, but parts of every human life that is involved in the process.”
On June 29th, I was a shocked New Yorker who has always seen California as the leader in common sense, compassion, and social innovation. On June 30th, I felt a little out of place, stuck in the mindset of a community developer, where the citizens—the voters—should always be given a voice. Did I have a right to even be here? Then a Swedish women walked up to the podium and told the witnesses in the room that Sweden was watching California, waiting for them to join their country in universal abolition of the death penalty, believing as I did that California had a history of inspiring, challenging and changing the country. It was then that I saw myself became a citizen of the state of California, not because I had bought a house here or spent $28 dollars on a California license, but because my heart was instantly connected to its citizens, as I realized that my humanity, the country’s humanity, and the world’s humanity lay in its hands. I realized that even if I am not a legal citizen of this state, it is still part of my home. It is a part of this country and part of this world, and the decisions that are made here are a reflection of the voices that are speaking the loudest. Fear usually causes people to scream. Love can cause people to sing, but we have to sing louder and in one unified voice without worrying if we have the right.
Sometimes it is good to stick to the rules, like those at the hearing who only spoke about the procedures. It may be the only way to be heard. Sometimes it is good to push past the boundaries, like the women from Sweden who spoke at a California State hearing. It may be the only way to be heard. Most of the time, it’s more powerful to do a little of both. People are always listening to conversations at various frequencies, and as messengers of human rights, dignity and love, it is our jobs to tap into all of those frequencies. And it is our job to unite.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
There is Abundance in Simplicity
Last night I had the happiest meal of my life. It was simple. The conversation was simple. The ingredients were simple. The table was simple. The love was simple.
The extended Metta family, meaning the my fellow mentees, our facilitators, and the Metta staff including Micheal Nagler ate together last night.
Pancho had come back from working the Free Farmer’s Market this weekend with beautiful greens and beets. Chris had some fresh zucchini from his backyard.
The ingredients were spread out on the counter and a team of five of us went to work making dinner for 15, but not before Chris asked, “Is this enough food? Do we need to get more?”
Jay chopped vegetables. Audrey prepared the tofu. I took the easy way out and took charge of boiling rice. Chris helped where ever he was needed, and Pancho used his imagination to create the most amazing salad dressing I’ve ever tasted! We talked as we prepared the food. Well, most of us talked as we prepared the food. For Pancho it was Silent Monday and he was deep in a day of silence. Although in many ways he was the most communicative of all. As he prepared his salad dressing he needed taste testers of course. And since he wasn’t speaking, he couldn’t demand, “Come over hear and taste this.” So, he came to us. With a leafy green dipped in dressing in his hands and a genuine smile on his face, he fed each of us the dressing looking for reactions to see what needed to be added. It was a beautiful moment in my eyes. A true moment of connection, service, and peace.
When the meal was ready we laid each of the dishes on a long table that was set up in the living room, and even the setting up of the table was done with love and laughter. Chris and Nick pulled five pieces of wood out from under the sofa in the living room and set up a table that was six inches off of the ground and fit fifteen people around the outside. Pillows were set around the outside plates were placed with forks for everyone.
We looked at the food was sitting in the middle and someone said, “This table right now is a paradigm of abundance.” We all smiled and laughed. Someone else said, “Do you remember when we started and weren’t sure that we had enough food?”
We ate our meal and told stories. Ketan added spices to some of the lentils so that we could have “real Indian dal” and we laughed at his excitement and the way the spice caught me by surprise and burned my mouth.
It sounds like a regular meal in so many regards, but the intention was different. Every moment, every step in preparation of the meal and every step in the actualization (pardon the awkwardness here, I’m trying not to use the word “execution”) was so full of love, service, connectedness and joy that the food tasted better.
I often feel awkward at dinner parties if everyone is speaking and I have no conversation to join. This time I did not. I felt surround by such good energy and love that it didn’t even cross my mind that I may have been out of place.
I feel that if I go on trying to describe this meal any longer that it will lose its magic, and my readers won’t understand anyway. So, I’m going to end here. But believe me when I say there is abundance in simplicity.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Healing Justice
It's not that I'm not learning anything. That's not why I'm not writing. It's that I'm learning so much, every single day, that I don't even know where to start.
I'm working 4 days a week at the American Friends Service Committee in Oakland. I'm trying to put together a resource list of all of the healing/restorative justice programs in the Bay Area. I prefer the term "healing justice" simply because I think it is more heartfelt, less technical, more human.
I read the book Beyond Prisons by my supervisor Laura Magnani. It was a book that really forced me to wake up. Everything about our justice system is totally soulless. It is all about technicalities and procedures. We forget about the victims until we feel their pain may be able to ensure a hands down guilty verdict or a harsher sentence. Lawyers, cops, judges, and even career criminals are forced to seperate themselves from the emotions of those around them. They are forced to become robots forgetting what it is like to be a human being in order to play their part correctly.
It's sad. I've always been against the death penalty. But did you know you could put a kid, a 14 year-old in jail for life without parole. Is a 14 year-old irredeemable? Was he inherently evil, is that why he was in jail? Or did a system fail him? Could he learn to reconnect with people and be honest with himself? He has at least 50 or so years to try! And a 40 year-old may have less time to do the same, but it is possible.
I think the Quaker in me has been awakened. Life without parole seems ridiculous, and inhumane. Nina, my friend from the Netherlands says that their the longest someone can be locked up for is 20 years. That's it, so whoever is in charge of helping him while he is in prison better do a really good job reconnecting him to the world. The Quakers are one of the few voices against life without parole and after looking at the system from various view points so far this summer, I'm going to join them. These people are human beings not simply criminals. It's time to look deeper into their lives and hearts, and teach them to reconnect.
Why should people spend years in jail for drug offenses and petty thefts. Why are people using drugs? Because they are lonely and fearful. Because they need to escape. Because they feel lost and don't know how to reconnect or ask for help, so they run away. Why do people steal? Because they want respect or attention. Because they need the money to provide for their family. Because they want to hang out with the cool kids and be connected to others. Because they are addicted to drugs. Seems like locking them up and then letting them out into a world where they are destined to fail after being disconnected from their families and social networks, with a record is a recipe for disaster. The cycle is just going to keep repeating itself.
Tomorrow I'm going to Sacramento to a public hearing on lethal injection and then a march to the capital to talk with state legislators.
It's weird to think that this is the first time that I've actually acted on something that I feel is controversial. I'm sure that I've acted on other things that just felt right that others disagreed with, but this time I know that I'm going to have to open some eyes and touch some hearts to get my message across. This won't be an easy one to sell, and afterwards no life without parole will be even harder. But it's the right thing. A human being is a human being. And everyone has the right to change, and everyone has the ability deep within as long as we give them the tools and support.
Those are my thoughts for now. Next post maybe I'll talk about the Pride Parade yesterday in San Fransisco. I totally cried. Parades usually make me cry.
I'm working 4 days a week at the American Friends Service Committee in Oakland. I'm trying to put together a resource list of all of the healing/restorative justice programs in the Bay Area. I prefer the term "healing justice" simply because I think it is more heartfelt, less technical, more human.
I read the book Beyond Prisons by my supervisor Laura Magnani. It was a book that really forced me to wake up. Everything about our justice system is totally soulless. It is all about technicalities and procedures. We forget about the victims until we feel their pain may be able to ensure a hands down guilty verdict or a harsher sentence. Lawyers, cops, judges, and even career criminals are forced to seperate themselves from the emotions of those around them. They are forced to become robots forgetting what it is like to be a human being in order to play their part correctly.
It's sad. I've always been against the death penalty. But did you know you could put a kid, a 14 year-old in jail for life without parole. Is a 14 year-old irredeemable? Was he inherently evil, is that why he was in jail? Or did a system fail him? Could he learn to reconnect with people and be honest with himself? He has at least 50 or so years to try! And a 40 year-old may have less time to do the same, but it is possible.
I think the Quaker in me has been awakened. Life without parole seems ridiculous, and inhumane. Nina, my friend from the Netherlands says that their the longest someone can be locked up for is 20 years. That's it, so whoever is in charge of helping him while he is in prison better do a really good job reconnecting him to the world. The Quakers are one of the few voices against life without parole and after looking at the system from various view points so far this summer, I'm going to join them. These people are human beings not simply criminals. It's time to look deeper into their lives and hearts, and teach them to reconnect.
Why should people spend years in jail for drug offenses and petty thefts. Why are people using drugs? Because they are lonely and fearful. Because they need to escape. Because they feel lost and don't know how to reconnect or ask for help, so they run away. Why do people steal? Because they want respect or attention. Because they need the money to provide for their family. Because they want to hang out with the cool kids and be connected to others. Because they are addicted to drugs. Seems like locking them up and then letting them out into a world where they are destined to fail after being disconnected from their families and social networks, with a record is a recipe for disaster. The cycle is just going to keep repeating itself.
Tomorrow I'm going to Sacramento to a public hearing on lethal injection and then a march to the capital to talk with state legislators.
It's weird to think that this is the first time that I've actually acted on something that I feel is controversial. I'm sure that I've acted on other things that just felt right that others disagreed with, but this time I know that I'm going to have to open some eyes and touch some hearts to get my message across. This won't be an easy one to sell, and afterwards no life without parole will be even harder. But it's the right thing. A human being is a human being. And everyone has the right to change, and everyone has the ability deep within as long as we give them the tools and support.
Those are my thoughts for now. Next post maybe I'll talk about the Pride Parade yesterday in San Fransisco. I totally cried. Parades usually make me cry.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
My Life is My Job, My Job is My Life
Sorry, I haven't written this week, I've been sick since Monday. I have this entire nose-ear-throat-thing going on and currently inserting a constant stream of lemon and honey cough drops into my mouth to keep my throat from feeling like it is on fire. {smile}
Last night was really nice. One of the guys who is staying with me and is also in the Metta Program knew I was sick and made dinner so that I didn't have to worry about it. It was nice.
I think that one of the most amazing things about this summer is this sense of family and community that has been present in this house since I arrived. I am staying with Tucker Malarkey, an amazing host with a warm, outgoing personality. She is a professional author working on her 3rd or 4th book. She has done work on scripts and even had a meeting with George Lucas (Jackie eat your heart out!). She has a son, Elliot, who is seven and very kind and funny, an a eccentric cat and cute dog. Her house is beautiful with three gorgeously furnished floors and the front door is always open to neighbors and relatives. This summer she invited three of us from the Metta Program to stay with her.
There is me of course. Then there is Nick who is from Indiana and shares some of the rural, farmtown identity that I hold. I feel like I have known him my entire life which is nice because I feel no need to tip-toe around him. Ketan is from India and a total crazy person. He has so many talents and excels in so many fields that it is amazing. He's a very goal oriented person with check lists and 5 year action plans galore. For someone like me it's totally surreal to watch him go on and on. And as he would say it takes a lot of energy to be so serious and organized, so he has to make the rest of his life silly in order to let go of the stress. He takes this silliness just as serious as the rest of his life. Sometimes he's so ridiculous that I have to send him into the other room because I can't handle it anymore, but his simle and laugh are definiately contagious and it is a blessing to be sharing the summer with him.
But yes, this new home is nice. I like spending quality time with a bunch of people and it is so amazing to watch Elliot hang out with us and play. It is such a good experience for him to interact with so many different types of people and just learn about the world. I would have been so much further ahead of the game if I got the same chances as a kid. I'm so happy for him. His life is going to be amazing, I can already tell.
I called Katy the other day and told her that we had to buy a large house when we got back to Rochester and just rent out rooms to random awesome people and have community dinners and a garden in the back yard. There is certainly something to be said for communal living. Building supportive, ecouraging, rejuvinating, inspirational, and loving networks should be the new American dream. Who says that every good American should live in a two story single family home with a white picket fence and a dog? Who says a married couple and there children should not live with there grandparents or siblings in America?
Who ever says it must be lonely.
But yes, this I feel really is central to peace building. I feel so much more rejuvinated here. I feel like I can keep doing the work I've been trying to be just because I'm so closely connected to these people. Even though this is going to sound corny, it is so inspiring just to watch these people grow everyday even in little ways, it is nice to be alive with them. It reminds me that I am alive. It reminds me that we are ALL human and growing and this is the key to doing peace work!
Speaking of small steps and realizations of peace I had another experience that examplifies something that may seem insignificant or silly but is also so important to peace work, physical contact.
Let me explain. I went with my friend Sachi to see Amma, the Hugging Saint of India. We went to her ashram where there were over two thousand people waiting to be hugged by her. It doesn't matter if you believe that she is a saint or not. It doesn't matter if you believe that she was actually giving hugs as the Divine Mother for over 14 hours straight. What does matter is that you realize that this woman was giving hugs for 14 hours straight, no food breaks, no bathroom breaks, just embracing people and giving them her love! Simply because they deserve it and because she believes that the best way to create love and peace is to be it.
A simple touch, a sincere hug full of gentleness love and respect can break down those walls that stand in the way of peace. And it can build internal peace. I know that I have gone months without giving or receiving a hug and those are always the months that I feel the most hopeless, lost and desperate.
So, baby steps is the peace phrase of the day, and "Be peace" is the today's tagline.
Last night was really nice. One of the guys who is staying with me and is also in the Metta Program knew I was sick and made dinner so that I didn't have to worry about it. It was nice.
I think that one of the most amazing things about this summer is this sense of family and community that has been present in this house since I arrived. I am staying with Tucker Malarkey, an amazing host with a warm, outgoing personality. She is a professional author working on her 3rd or 4th book. She has done work on scripts and even had a meeting with George Lucas (Jackie eat your heart out!). She has a son, Elliot, who is seven and very kind and funny, an a eccentric cat and cute dog. Her house is beautiful with three gorgeously furnished floors and the front door is always open to neighbors and relatives. This summer she invited three of us from the Metta Program to stay with her.
There is me of course. Then there is Nick who is from Indiana and shares some of the rural, farmtown identity that I hold. I feel like I have known him my entire life which is nice because I feel no need to tip-toe around him. Ketan is from India and a total crazy person. He has so many talents and excels in so many fields that it is amazing. He's a very goal oriented person with check lists and 5 year action plans galore. For someone like me it's totally surreal to watch him go on and on. And as he would say it takes a lot of energy to be so serious and organized, so he has to make the rest of his life silly in order to let go of the stress. He takes this silliness just as serious as the rest of his life. Sometimes he's so ridiculous that I have to send him into the other room because I can't handle it anymore, but his simle and laugh are definiately contagious and it is a blessing to be sharing the summer with him.
But yes, this new home is nice. I like spending quality time with a bunch of people and it is so amazing to watch Elliot hang out with us and play. It is such a good experience for him to interact with so many different types of people and just learn about the world. I would have been so much further ahead of the game if I got the same chances as a kid. I'm so happy for him. His life is going to be amazing, I can already tell.
I called Katy the other day and told her that we had to buy a large house when we got back to Rochester and just rent out rooms to random awesome people and have community dinners and a garden in the back yard. There is certainly something to be said for communal living. Building supportive, ecouraging, rejuvinating, inspirational, and loving networks should be the new American dream. Who says that every good American should live in a two story single family home with a white picket fence and a dog? Who says a married couple and there children should not live with there grandparents or siblings in America?
Who ever says it must be lonely.
But yes, this I feel really is central to peace building. I feel so much more rejuvinated here. I feel like I can keep doing the work I've been trying to be just because I'm so closely connected to these people. Even though this is going to sound corny, it is so inspiring just to watch these people grow everyday even in little ways, it is nice to be alive with them. It reminds me that I am alive. It reminds me that we are ALL human and growing and this is the key to doing peace work!
Speaking of small steps and realizations of peace I had another experience that examplifies something that may seem insignificant or silly but is also so important to peace work, physical contact.
Let me explain. I went with my friend Sachi to see Amma, the Hugging Saint of India. We went to her ashram where there were over two thousand people waiting to be hugged by her. It doesn't matter if you believe that she is a saint or not. It doesn't matter if you believe that she was actually giving hugs as the Divine Mother for over 14 hours straight. What does matter is that you realize that this woman was giving hugs for 14 hours straight, no food breaks, no bathroom breaks, just embracing people and giving them her love! Simply because they deserve it and because she believes that the best way to create love and peace is to be it.
A simple touch, a sincere hug full of gentleness love and respect can break down those walls that stand in the way of peace. And it can build internal peace. I know that I have gone months without giving or receiving a hug and those are always the months that I feel the most hopeless, lost and desperate.
So, baby steps is the peace phrase of the day, and "Be peace" is the today's tagline.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Universal Music
Sorry, I haven't been writing this week. I've been experiencing a lot, but felt like I had nothing profound to write. I still feel this way, but I know I have to push myself to write something, so bare with me.
Today, I had a crummy day. Don't get me wrong, the energy in Berkeley is amazing and I find myself surrounded by people that I've been looking for my entire life. I can't believe all of the innovation that is happening in this city, all of the beautiful people who live here looking at at the world through a new lens, people realizing all at once that the world is bigger, more complex and with more possibility than ever imagined. People who with this new awakening are becoming part of a new movement fusion that combines green business, medical breakthrough, spiritual awareness, heart unity, the creation of art, the retelling of history in another voice, ect to move towards peace.
It is important to note that some people don't even realize that they are part of this movement and that's where I believe it is our job to bring them in. Saying, "Hey you, guess what! You are totally all about nonviolence and peace, come join the party. Let us give you some tools to help you on your journey. Let us introduce you to your bother's and sister's. My some of them can help capture your vision."
Let's make it clear that people like this don't just exist in the Bay Area, but there are so many here. And it's super refreshing!
Then there are those who have the passion to create another world, but don't have the patience or the understanding to deal with anything than a quick fix to the problem, and because of this they resort to violent acts, calling for the bloody revolution. It is here that we must show them that there is a way that is more sustainable and deeply rooted: ahisma- nonviolence; the intention to do no harm.
But yes, I'm loving it here. However, sometimes I don't know what to do with all of this postive energy. Today, I had so much love and inquiry surrounding me that I wanted to run away. Isn't that strange? Don't get me wrong I was loving every minute of it. I was thankful for it, but I had no clue what to do with it all. It was almost as if I couldn't compute it all at once, and instead of staying engaged ready to soak it all up, I just wanted to shut down. It's probably because I'm so used to dealing with people who are not interested or so unconnected that I didn't have a clue of how to be part of a group that was experiencing the exact opposite. I felt like I just needed to escape because I know longer knew my place. It was weird and put me off.
This off mood followed me home, but was quickly relieved. There was a guitar lying in the living room of my host's house when we entered. My housemate Nic was instantly drawn to it, as he was saying just the night before that he really wanted a guitar to play (the Universe does listen). I listened to him play. Our colleauge from Pakistan, Sadan, came home with us as well and played some Beatles songs for us. Universal music! ;) And I sat and listened. The music filled the house and everyone's moods lifted and felt light and happy. It felt like a family.
I then decided I didn't need to run away. I just needed to take a back seat for awhile. To listen to the beautiful music of the world that is being created as "heart unity" is truly coming to be and thriving in the space around me.
It makes me wonder how unsettling pure and authentic compassion and love must be for someone who has experienced so much more violence and apathy than me. It must be terrifying. Even I almost didn't make it.
Today, I had a crummy day. Don't get me wrong, the energy in Berkeley is amazing and I find myself surrounded by people that I've been looking for my entire life. I can't believe all of the innovation that is happening in this city, all of the beautiful people who live here looking at at the world through a new lens, people realizing all at once that the world is bigger, more complex and with more possibility than ever imagined. People who with this new awakening are becoming part of a new movement fusion that combines green business, medical breakthrough, spiritual awareness, heart unity, the creation of art, the retelling of history in another voice, ect to move towards peace.
It is important to note that some people don't even realize that they are part of this movement and that's where I believe it is our job to bring them in. Saying, "Hey you, guess what! You are totally all about nonviolence and peace, come join the party. Let us give you some tools to help you on your journey. Let us introduce you to your bother's and sister's. My some of them can help capture your vision."
Let's make it clear that people like this don't just exist in the Bay Area, but there are so many here. And it's super refreshing!
Then there are those who have the passion to create another world, but don't have the patience or the understanding to deal with anything than a quick fix to the problem, and because of this they resort to violent acts, calling for the bloody revolution. It is here that we must show them that there is a way that is more sustainable and deeply rooted: ahisma- nonviolence; the intention to do no harm.
But yes, I'm loving it here. However, sometimes I don't know what to do with all of this postive energy. Today, I had so much love and inquiry surrounding me that I wanted to run away. Isn't that strange? Don't get me wrong I was loving every minute of it. I was thankful for it, but I had no clue what to do with it all. It was almost as if I couldn't compute it all at once, and instead of staying engaged ready to soak it all up, I just wanted to shut down. It's probably because I'm so used to dealing with people who are not interested or so unconnected that I didn't have a clue of how to be part of a group that was experiencing the exact opposite. I felt like I just needed to escape because I know longer knew my place. It was weird and put me off.
This off mood followed me home, but was quickly relieved. There was a guitar lying in the living room of my host's house when we entered. My housemate Nic was instantly drawn to it, as he was saying just the night before that he really wanted a guitar to play (the Universe does listen). I listened to him play. Our colleauge from Pakistan, Sadan, came home with us as well and played some Beatles songs for us. Universal music! ;) And I sat and listened. The music filled the house and everyone's moods lifted and felt light and happy. It felt like a family.
I then decided I didn't need to run away. I just needed to take a back seat for awhile. To listen to the beautiful music of the world that is being created as "heart unity" is truly coming to be and thriving in the space around me.
It makes me wonder how unsettling pure and authentic compassion and love must be for someone who has experienced so much more violence and apathy than me. It must be terrifying. Even I almost didn't make it.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Paridise Near the Highway
Yesterday, we got a chance to work on Alemany Farm, an urban farm in San Fransisco. This was amazing for several reasons, but mainly because I spent so much time researching community gardens last semester trying to figure out how to strenghten the UGROW network in Worcester without ever getting a chance to get my hands dirty.
It was nice to be part of the creation of food. It was even more exciting to be nourishing plants that will one day nourish the bodies of someone else and connecting to the land while surrounded by so many wonderful people.
I was also interesting to think of urban gardening as a nonviolent protest-- the modern day of Gandhi's spinning. (By producing their own clothing Indians were able to show the British government that they were not relied upon by the people.
I learned so much yesterday. I saw a lemon tree for the first time and ate some of it's leaves. I learned what Mexican sage looks like. It reminds me of purple pussy willows. I learned that if you are growing a root vegetable like garlic it is good to cut off the flower so that the energy can go to the root. (Makes perfect sense, right!) I also learned that garlic flowers taste really good. Most importantly I learned that their are great people in this world, who think like me:
Peace is the only way. It's more logical and ensures the greatest rewards in the long run. Peace comes from a place that is deep and not completely reachable by the brain. It requires something that can only be described with the limited words that I own as spirituality. There is this understanding of connectedness, Love, and faith that is required. True peace and spirituality cannot be separated.
We were asked after a 5 hours of working on the farm to go around in a circle and tell the group our high and low of the day. Here were mine:
Low:
I realized how separated I am from to production of my own food, which is sad. I thought about the violence on the Earth that happens because so many of us rely on factory farmed produce and synthetic food. But it was even more disappointing to me that this was the first time that I was ever given the chance to garden. I somehow felt robbed of a right that should never be taken away. It was an amazing meditation on the interconnectedness of life and the power of creation, and how all human beings are constantly part of that process. I feel like if I had had that opprotunity as a child I would have been much wiser, and if I had that opportunity regularly that I would be a lot happier.
High:
From this beautiful 3-acre farm you could see this crazy 3-lane, twisty-turvey, highway. Someone reported this as a low, but for me it was amazing. It showed hope that citizens/human beings could regain control of the land. It was ours. It should me that there was hope, and that nature and the urban environment were not things that existed as opposites to one another but could coexist.
It was nice to be part of the creation of food. It was even more exciting to be nourishing plants that will one day nourish the bodies of someone else and connecting to the land while surrounded by so many wonderful people.
I was also interesting to think of urban gardening as a nonviolent protest-- the modern day of Gandhi's spinning. (By producing their own clothing Indians were able to show the British government that they were not relied upon by the people.
I learned so much yesterday. I saw a lemon tree for the first time and ate some of it's leaves. I learned what Mexican sage looks like. It reminds me of purple pussy willows. I learned that if you are growing a root vegetable like garlic it is good to cut off the flower so that the energy can go to the root. (Makes perfect sense, right!) I also learned that garlic flowers taste really good. Most importantly I learned that their are great people in this world, who think like me:
Peace is the only way. It's more logical and ensures the greatest rewards in the long run. Peace comes from a place that is deep and not completely reachable by the brain. It requires something that can only be described with the limited words that I own as spirituality. There is this understanding of connectedness, Love, and faith that is required. True peace and spirituality cannot be separated.
We were asked after a 5 hours of working on the farm to go around in a circle and tell the group our high and low of the day. Here were mine:
Low:
I realized how separated I am from to production of my own food, which is sad. I thought about the violence on the Earth that happens because so many of us rely on factory farmed produce and synthetic food. But it was even more disappointing to me that this was the first time that I was ever given the chance to garden. I somehow felt robbed of a right that should never be taken away. It was an amazing meditation on the interconnectedness of life and the power of creation, and how all human beings are constantly part of that process. I feel like if I had had that opprotunity as a child I would have been much wiser, and if I had that opportunity regularly that I would be a lot happier.
High:
From this beautiful 3-acre farm you could see this crazy 3-lane, twisty-turvey, highway. Someone reported this as a low, but for me it was amazing. It showed hope that citizens/human beings could regain control of the land. It was ours. It should me that there was hope, and that nature and the urban environment were not things that existed as opposites to one another but could coexist.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Where Does It Come From?
Where does peace come from? What is it that sparks a light, a calmness, a love within us that allows us to stay centered and and full of love in the midst of chaos?
These were the questions that came up as I sat with two amazing woman sharing the stories of our paths that led to us to this summer in California embodying Ghandi and all those who have followed after.
Each of us told stories in which we were surrounded by chaos and violence early in our lives. None of us had studied nonviolence or peace on an academic or spiritual level before these experiences, in two of our cases we were just small children. Yet, somehow we were able to stay solid and peaceful. We were able to love without having any guidance. We were able to see and understand larger picture. But how?
Where did this unlearned, instinctual, peacefulness come from? This is an important question because if we can find the answer, we can pass it along and watch it grow. Just being peaceful and living nonviolently in the midst of chaos alone will not ensure that peace overcomes the violence around you. My friend Candy Maire today explained that it was like putting a piece of butter into a glass of water. The butter does not automatically become one with the water. It floats alone on top.
We need to find a way to join the two, and the only way to do that is to change the nature of the water from within. It only repels the butter, if it is forced upon it.
But what change needs to occur inside a person in order to allow them to be peaceful? And how do I find the answer when I can't even really pin down the reasons that I am so peaceful. It came naturally to me as a child, and I fought like crazy never let to let it go. I think it even escaped me a few times.
I believe a understanding of connectedness, unquestioning love, and awe comes naturally to all children, but society robs it from us especially in the West.
How do we give it back to those who have lost it?
These were the questions that came up as I sat with two amazing woman sharing the stories of our paths that led to us to this summer in California embodying Ghandi and all those who have followed after.
Each of us told stories in which we were surrounded by chaos and violence early in our lives. None of us had studied nonviolence or peace on an academic or spiritual level before these experiences, in two of our cases we were just small children. Yet, somehow we were able to stay solid and peaceful. We were able to love without having any guidance. We were able to see and understand larger picture. But how?
Where did this unlearned, instinctual, peacefulness come from? This is an important question because if we can find the answer, we can pass it along and watch it grow. Just being peaceful and living nonviolently in the midst of chaos alone will not ensure that peace overcomes the violence around you. My friend Candy Maire today explained that it was like putting a piece of butter into a glass of water. The butter does not automatically become one with the water. It floats alone on top.
We need to find a way to join the two, and the only way to do that is to change the nature of the water from within. It only repels the butter, if it is forced upon it.
But what change needs to occur inside a person in order to allow them to be peaceful? And how do I find the answer when I can't even really pin down the reasons that I am so peaceful. It came naturally to me as a child, and I fought like crazy never let to let it go. I think it even escaped me a few times.
I believe a understanding of connectedness, unquestioning love, and awe comes naturally to all children, but society robs it from us especially in the West.
How do we give it back to those who have lost it?
Peace Begins at Home
I'm in California. I flew for the first time. I flew over the Rockies. I saw the salts flats of Utah. I think I even saw a cliff dwelling as we flew over the desert.
The people that I'm staying with are amazing. The architecture is beautiful. The trees, flowers and gardens are glorious. And I'm full of so much good energy right now, that I can't stop smiling. I'm a bit tired and scattered to write tonight, but I still have something to post.
I wrote this entry before I left for Cali. It was written on June, 1st.
The people that I'm staying with are amazing. The architecture is beautiful. The trees, flowers and gardens are glorious. And I'm full of so much good energy right now, that I can't stop smiling. I'm a bit tired and scattered to write tonight, but I still have something to post.
I wrote this entry before I left for Cali. It was written on June, 1st.
Well, this blog is supposed to capture my adventure in the world of nonviolent action and social change this summer. I haven’t even gotten to California yet, but because everything is part of a bigger picture the adventure has already begun.
I’m home in beautiful Randolph, NY (no sarcasm intended) and feeling as if I just dropped in from an alien space craft, operated on green energy of course.
I’ve spent the past week and a half with my family realizing that no one knows what it is that I’m getting my Master’s in and listening to my mom reply, “I don’t know. Something to do with helping kids, being a teacher,” every time someone asks her what I’m going to California for.
I try to tell her, but she acts as if she isn’t interested which I know isn’t the case. She just has too many other things to worry about, day to day stuff like how she is going to pay for gas to get to work this week and how to get my little brother and sister to stop fighting all of the time. I can’t really help with the gas dilemma, but my response to the fighting problem was to spend more time with them as a family and for her to lighten up on the yelling, more talking and listening, and yes I even suggested talking about feelings. Apparently, this is not doable and I don’t understand her world.
But I do. It’s my world. Well, my old world. She really is living the same life we all were living when I left this frustrated dairy town 7 years ago. I get it, times are tough. There is little hope and not enough resources. She, like so many others here that I love, have no networks, no tribe. (My mom has even stopped talking with most of her family members who all live here as well) I know people here could build those networks, there are so many people here that just want to be connected, but no one knows where to start.
It hurts to hear that I don’t get it. And this message hasn’t just come from my mom, but from my aunt my sister, and my father, and it just hasn’t come in these past few days but my whole life. When I was younger I was told I didn’t get it because I was a kid and hadn’t really experienced the pain of the real world. Now, I don’t get it because I went away to school. I got out. I’m middle class now, and that’s why I don’t understand. Believe me the only thing that is middle class about me is my education. And it’s funny because my education as of late has been centered around poverty, diversity, and social and economic development.
Yeah, I do get it. I lived it, and I’ve read and thought about it. I felt the effects and discovered the causes.
The thing that I believe is lacking the most in this town is education. I know it sounds corny and cliché, but it is honestly what separates me from my family right now. It is the thing that I am the most proud of and the most frustrated by. I’m the first one in my family to graduate from college, but I’m also the first one to see the world past the beautiful hills that surround this valley. I don’t mean that people in Randolph should be versed in the classics of the Greeks or Checkov, although there is some valuable truths about the human condition in there. I just wish that they could be given the chance to truly understand and talk about globalization, cultural diversity, and multiple storylines. I want them to begin to understand the forces of capitalism. I want them to have the analytical skills to fight off the media as they are being told that they are too fat, that diamonds mean I love you, and that their kids would love them more if they bought them a Wii. I want them to see themselves in each other and in those outside this little town, and be part of the world that is working to bring hope back, instead of watching the news, throwing their hands up in the air, and saying, “The world is going to hell,” and then repeating all of those gestures as they sit in their living rooms smoking, fighting with their husbands, girlfriends, and children, saying, “This family is going to hell.”
This is what I’m getting my master’s in. This is what I’m doing in California this summer. I’m looking for ways to create social change and to develop communities physically, socially, economically, and spiritually that center around this understanding of interconnectedness and shared humanity. I’m looking for ways to help communities and individuals begin to heal and move forward, to progress but not in the usual way of accumulating wealth, but accumulating happiness, connections, and love.
I finally feel like I can give back some of that hope that came so naturally to me, that understanding of connection, of cause and effect that came to me magically as a kid. Somehow, I could always see the lessons learned and the bright side of the picture, but most of all I could always see that people were people, even if they seemed like monsters (my dad’s alcoholism taught me that). That’s why I have become so enamored with principled nonviolence because it is something that is spoken about at an academic level, something studied and applied to social change and justice, something that is meant to improve the world, and something that has come so naturally to me all my life that it is the only thing that makes sense.
I’ve tried to share all of this with my mom. I want to bring her the hope that she needs— the hope that will bring her the happiness that she needs to continue on raising my brother and sister in a safe, loving, open home.
I will figure ways to share this with colleagues, communities, and maybe even the world. But most importantly, I will find a way to share this with my family. These entries will be the first step, I’ll have to mail them home though. There is no internet in cow country.
Thank you to all of my friends who are traveling with me and helping me figure this out. Yes, if you are reading this, I mean you.
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